pixandwords:

dukeofmegadeus:

objectionmovetostrike:

lionversusbear:

marilynstays:

angels-and-angles:

Wow, accidentally deleted my original post. Reblogging so I can keep it in my archives.

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As defined by urban dictionary, the friendzone is…

“When you are expected to support a girl you really like while she searches for a smarter, richer, and more handsome boyfriend. There is little you can do without feeling like a dick. All in all, one of the meanest things a girl can do, whether they mean it or not.”

and ”The perennial location of nice guys everywhere.”

Although this hypothetical situation could work both ways, friendzone is almost always applied to a man who is rejected by a woman. Therefore, there is something inherently unequal, something inherently sexist about the term “friendzone”. But what and why?

From my experience, this is what friend zone is. A “nice guy” pursues a woman, but isn’t forward with his intentions from the get-go like, say, a “jerk”. The woman is pleased to see a man who is interested in her not as a sexual object but as a human being and wishes for things to stay that way. The man is not satisfied with seeing the woman as a human being because being “expected to support a girl” is a bad deal if she’s not putting out.

Before I delve into the sociological aspects of this, I just want to point out that ”friendzone” is no more pleasant for a woman than it is a man. First, that is to say unrequited love works both ways, but the person who doesn’t return affections is considered mean only when she’s a woman. And second, what option does the woman have in a traditional “friendzone” situation? Just stop talking to a close friend to avoid “leading him on”? In high school, I found out my best friend of 2 years liked me. Having to tell him I didn’t feel the same way and being immediately ex-communicated via Facebook status (“Thanks for wasting my time”) was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. Were our two years of friendship invalid because I didn’t want anything more? Was all our time together really wasted because there was no hypothetical pay off?

Guys who do this and claim to be “nice guys” are the worst misogynists because of their sense of entitlement toward a woman. They make investments in property and expect their dividends. They are fake friends. They are selfish. And they will jump at the chance to vilify you and victimize themselves when their attempts at manipulation don’t work. Clearly, “friendzone” is the remnant of a phenomenon that has plagued women since the beginning of time: women are not independent creatures. Our love lives exist only in the context of a man’s desire. When we make independent decisions, we are subject to a host of derogatory terms. “Slut” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “yes”. “Friendzone” is how we vilify a woman for exercising her right to say “no”

This is bullshit. its not about vilifying a woman because she says no, its about vilifying women because she cant clearly express her feelings in a upfront manner. The friendzone is almost always a manipulation by a woman who wants the benefits a nice, caring man to stick by her side, but doesn’t find them sexually attractive so they keep them on the hook for as long as possible to have the benefits without the responsibility.

from a young age men are taught to “prove” ourselves to women for their affection. some do this through conquest and athletics and competition, some attempt to prove this for showing how open and caring and supportive they can be. men in the friendzone are simply trying to show you that they are good enough for your love and affection. if you make it clear to these men that you are not, and never will be interested in them in a romantic or sexual relationship, they will move on as they should.

you act like the men in the friendzone are evil misogynist bastards who’s only aim is copulating with you. in most cases this couldn’t be further from the truth, these are men that are seriously devoted to the woman they are stuck in the friendzone with, they see something special and they are willing to invest time and effort into proving that they are fit mates.

though i cant say the blame rests solely with either party, Men: pay attention, if she isnt into you, she isnt into you, stop wasting your time on a woman who will not give you the love and affection you would like to give her. Women: make you intentions clear, dont lead a poor guy on. nice guys are kind generally screwed in this world, we dont need you fucking with our emotions. Call a spade a spade, tell us how you feel about us, in no uncertain terms. 

well said. 

pixandwords: I have nothing but applause.

Why do women have to be the ones to communicate their feelings explicitly to you though? If you’re into someone and you don’t let them know how you feel about them it’s absurdly immature to get angry at them when they don’t reciprocate.

Like look at this scenario! Person one has lots of sex with lots of people but is almost never in relationships. Person two walks into their life and showers them with affection, and person one is delighted! But person two is essentially acting the way person one’s close friends act, so it’s illogical to be surprised when person one doesn’t treat them the way they treat their sexual partners. You may be framing the relationship romantically in your mind, but that same framing might only apply to friends in someone else’s mind.

What the term “friendzone” implies is that your framing of romance should be their framing of romance, which is absolutely ridiculous. It’s a pretty normal thing these days to enter into sexual relationships before a romantic relationship, and if you think that’s the wrong way for a woman to go about things, congratulations, you’re sexist!